Who Was Maureen Flanagan?

By Paul Flanagan

Maureen Flanagan's obituary covered the dry basics of her life. Dates, family, education, survivors, funeral arrangements, etc.

From public and private records, we can learn where she was or when she was or her job title or her accomplishments.

Yet, all of us, including Maureen, are not the sum of the facts of our public and private records. From these we get a surface picture, a superficial understanding of the person behind the facts. We may think we know a person from their records or from our encounters with them, but ...

Maureen and I fell in love as young teenagers. In the 60-plus years since, we matured and changed in so many ways. Through this adventure of many decades, I learned who Maureen really was.

Maureen lived by the mission statement: Let us be the instruments of God's love in the world. She lived in a way that everyone she encountered had some experience of God's unconditional love. She interacted with each person so that they could feel better about themselves. She helped them to see themselves as God saw them: as beautiful beings totally loved by God. Despite what the world would say to these people, either explicitly or implicitly, Maureen wanted them to feel good about the inner core that was who they really were.

Maureen always wanted to help people be better. As a Docent in the Folger Shakespeare Library, she helped visitors see the art as an expression of what they could be. As a volunteer and later Executive Director of a pregnancy counseling and support service organization, Maureen helped women and their families transit the sometimes-difficult journey of pregnancy. As a professor at Old Dominion University, Maureen helped people overcome their fear of public speaking and learn effective communication skills. As a team with me, she helped couples find more joy in their marriage. As a communications coach and seminar leader she helped attendees "unlock the box" of their hidden strengths to achieve more of their potential. As a writer she helped people convert their ideas to published articles. She visited an incarcerated man for years helping him determine how to navigate his situation and to prepare for a life as a returned citizen. In all her interactions, Maureen wanted the other be come away with renewed hope, a better sense of their intrinsic value, and ways to bring that value to be more active in their life.

Maureen worked to make situations better for people, not just herself. When she encountered the obstacle of a requirement for the Virginia graduate school application that every female applicant needed the written approval of her husband or father, she led the effort to convince the Commonwealth authorities for higher education that this requirement needed to be abolished. It was rescinded and future female students had one less barrier to higher education.

Maureen was willing to give her time and talent to support people in new or different settings. For 10 years she was a near-daily companion to her mother-in-law (my mother) to help her finish her earthly life in a new community. Maureen was always available to help, to advise or just be present.

Maureen believed and implemented intense hospitality. She was always willing to welcome a person and help them enjoy a better time wherever they were. At Ascension Catholic Church, Maureen coordinated the Hospitality Ministry to encourage and support all visitors and newcomers. At any social gathering, Maureen always looked for who was being ignored or under-served. She then helped those people to become more included in the event.

Maureen sometimes expressed her hospitality saying: "If there is room in the heart, there is room in the home." Over the years she hosted many people in our home, enabling them to succeed in their lives. These temporary housing experiences included women dealing with a difficult pregnancy, refugees from war, people recovering from illness, students needing housing, new employees needing a temporary room, etc. Maureen made sure that each person could receive what they needed to make their way through one of life's new experiences.

Maureen always saw people in their best light. She never defined people based on their worst decisions or experiences. She always looked for the good and strong in their soul which could be encouraged to be more present. Even when people hurt her, she recognized that their actions stemmed from their internal hurt. In circumstances of harassment or conflict, she looked to ways to improve the situation rather than just punish someone. Maureen truly believed the saying of Saint Ambrose: You cannot heal yourself by hurting someone else.

I knew Maureen as a best friend, wife, lover, mother to our son and his family. She was a partner in business and in life. She was a friend and helper to all. If you left an encounter with Maureen and you weren't feeling better about yourself, then you weren't paying attention.